I’ve decided to give this happiness thing a shot. A real shot.
I’ve truly hit a rut in my life, for no particular reason, and I just can’t seem to get myself out of it.
My therapist has been telling me for years, that I’m scared of being happy. What an absurd, yet true thought. As odd as it sounds, stress, fear, guilt, disapproval, sadness, inadequacy, pity (the list goes on and on) all feel comfortable to me. They’re reassuring since it feels like the only thing I can bank on every day is that I am going to feel these things. Even as I’m writing this, I’m thinking to myself “How sad!”, but how true. I have been feeling this way particularly for the past month of my life, and off and on for years and years.
A lot of the problem seems to be my looking backward and doubting the future. I’ve lived with anxiety for so long that I don’t remember what it would be like to not feel stressed all of the time. Despite this feeling, there was a point in my life when I just woke up, faced the day, and didn’t think about the million terrible things that could go wrong. Just like anybody else, I was a little baby who didn’t think about breathing or living or feeling sad. I just lived.
So, I’m going to get back to that.
I’ve been trying to find some inspiration on-line, in books, everywhere. I’ve decided to start with some simple positive daily affirmations. I’ve done them before, but honestly, never gave them a real deal shot. Here goes my new morning list. Prolificliving.com recommends doing them 3x every morning, for at least eight days.
1. I am feeling healthy and strong today.
2. I have all that I need to make this a great day of my life.
3. I have all the information I need to solve any challenges that come up today.
4. I have the knowledge to make smart decisions for myself today.
5. I make the right choices all day using my inner wisdom.
6. I am happy and content with my life.
7. I am patient and calm and greet the day with ease.
8. I am filled with gratitude for another day on this earth.
Now, my inner skeptic is already screaming “BUT BAD THINGS DO HAPPEN!” “WHAT IF haoisndkfansdoihawer HAPPENS!?!” “WHAT WILL YOU DO!?!” I guess the more I think about it, worrying about the what ifs doesn’t actually prepare me for them; it makes me feel like they already have happened, creating a false sense of anxiety when everything is actually pretty peachy keen.
I guess we’ll have to see how the affirmations go. It’s all worth a shot.